So this is officially my first blog on 3dg.com Which is cool, i had to get away from blogging on my myspace, too many people asking too many question. First off, I love three days grace, the thoughts im about to post to you, are helped so often by the lyrics of those guys, it's insane. But here's what i've been thinking about...anyone with answers, feel free to tell me.

I figured this is a better place to escape my mind, my myspace is currently attacked by my parents, and too many people who put pressure on me to write. I hate living up to expecations. But i Can't stand to fail. Where does that leave me? I live my life knowing i've got a certain line of expectations i've got to reach, I constantly torture myself, because i hate to fail, i hate to disappoint people. But more than that i hate being told what i should and shouldn't do by people who don't know anything about me. Kids i go to school with expect me to be Josie, smart but funny, cute but awkward. I'd so much rather have people scream in my face than to disappoint people. Granted I get screamed at everyday anywyas, but i've grown accustomed to that. How much screaming does it take for a parent to get their point across? I'm just a kid, i've got a lot of responsibility, and i'm okay with that. And now, as I sit here and ponder about what i just said, If you become so used to something like accusations, pointless fights, insults, do you learn to ignore them? Or do you become like me, just letting it sink in, and waiting and waiting. Until that night, when you're sitting all alone in front of a computer, with no one to talk to and your brain turns on, and starts turning, slowly at first, until you become intrigiued, then everything starts going, some can't convey their emotions through writing retarded blogs that no one will ever read, (and even on xanaga, my friends don't use xanga's anymore, well except Ryan) some are left at just thinking, those who can think. Back to my point, (I tend to ramble) Sitting alone, thinking, yeah, that's where I left off, when it actually hits you, how do you handle it? Some cry, some get angry, some write, some read, some draw. But the way we deal with things, what causes this? What makes my insinct to open up microsoft word and type and get quieter? Sure, I don't fully understand why people do things, not at all. I'm attempting, maybe ill take some pyschology classes, Actually, i'm pretty positive that i will sometime before i die. Lolz. Anyways, for someone like me, I've got too many questions, and Not enough answers. I don't know what to think about so many things. I've been told 34029034823 different views of everything, and sure, i chose what i believe and what i don't believe. I know what i stand for and what i don't stand for. But it's little things, that add up, that confuse me. Then there's some big things that i'm lost on. Right And Wrong. such simple words, with simple meanings to simple people. I could make a list, Right: Education, Listening, being Healthy, Not Lying, etc. Wrong: Drugs, Alcohol, Cigarettes, lying, cheating. etc. But thats right and wrong to ME. My opinions and view greatly differ from so many people. Right/Wrong, Good/Bad, Nice/Evil. What characteristics place them with such a title? Because i don't believe 'evil' people are necessarily doing it to be evil, or crude. In my mind, and some others, i prefer evil, bad, wrong people, not because of their actions, but because they're powered by emotion. They feel. My favorite, evil leaders, the clever, witty, smart, logical people powered by strong ties of emotions. I feel connected to people like that, sure i don't do things considered evil by the majority, but I don't follow the norm either, I'm that kid stuck in the middle, you don't understand, but you don't care enough to try. Actually i dont think most people care enough to try, at simple things, you see a kid crying in the corner, you walk past. You see a kid walking alone in the halls, you don't befriend. I'm not like that, i don't understand people like that. But my biggest question is what causes people to think and behave the way they do, surely it isn't original, we've grown up being told how and what to think, but if i think nothing like my parents, and nothing like the rest of my family, Nor do i behave similar to my family. (besides eric, who i only met when i was like 11) Maybe I just crave to be different from my parents. I don't like them, I won't like, I honestly can't stand them, so maybe I just think different because i've put my effort into not becoming them. But who knows, maybe they were like me as a kid, I've got their DNA in me, why would i be different. Sure, that statement makes me want to hurl into depression, yeah, i want to be druggie alcoholics who spend their freetime in a bar or yelling at me. I don't know, i don't want pity. I've never wanted pity. I just want to love people, to have compassion, to see people who care back. So far i've been left almost empty handed, it's a 1/10 ordeal (is that a word, or slang?) I've found my faithful select few, but besides that, I'm lost.

And in the light of it all, Give me a reason to fight, and I'm your solider, Send me blind into the forest, and I become your servant.