Happiness is not for me,

I'm not who I want to be,

my heart's in pain

I feel ashamed

of all I do I want to cry

and cry but can't, my eyes are dry.

these pains inside grow everyday,

new ones come and old ones stay.

Sometimes I wish that I was dead,

someone shoot me in the head,

so I can't feel this pain no more,

this s*** inside I can't ignore.

I feel like I might explode,

I tell myself "don't give up hope"

sometimes I get to thinkin why,

sometimes I think, why even try?

and then I think of all the kids,

and loved ones that I'm gonna miss

If I go kill myself today,

the love will overcome the pain.

why the hell am I so selfish,

I wonder why I just can't help it,

and so I keep these things inside,

the pain grows larger, while I fight,

to keep my silly kid composure,

then I feel like I'm a poser,

wishing that the pain would leave,

and if it did I'd feel relieved

and lead a normal healthy life,

take away the twisting knife,

revolving slowly in my heart,

If only I knew where to start...