well I've grown up in a home where mum can pick depression 10miles off but seriously... knowing you have an illness and there's something wrong with you... there's a feeling of total separation... none of my friends understood and still don't understand they just think I'm a crack job who needs drug's to stay sane... I also grew up in a very christian home... I've had my friends parent call my mother saying I've been shouting and swearing at school and in exact words "She a pastor's daughter!! She shouldn't be swearing!!" was among the accusations... Guilt, takes a really bad toll on me, and recieving all this pressure in and out of school... I broke down... The few friends I had couldn't put up with me, and I couldn't find enjoyment in the things I used too... Some days, like today, I felt like I could lie on the ground turn my music (TDG naturally) and just stare at the ceiling... I didn't want to go to sleep, I didn't want to get up, I didn't even want to stay lying there... I just felt sick to the stomach that I didn't want to be here... I have a good life... I just don't want to live it. Even typing those words I can feel guilty because there are so many people who are starving and don't have a place to sleep and here I am whinging and whining...

"I'm sick of wondering...Is it life or death?
I need to figure out who's behind me..."