Your eyebrows are far too thin.

Forget nudie magazines - THIS is MUCH better. Ever since I saw this photo, I lay awake at night, wishing that you were sleeping in the room next to mine, cooking exquisite meals for me that I will later on complain about, grab your ass, walk our dog and... of course... make youtube videos together that included odd glasses and a hair lip. Alas, this is only a fantasy. I will NEVER know you. I will NEVER know where you live, what you eat, what brand of dog food you buy, if you are cheap or just crafty, if you long for sliced almonds and nuts when there is nothing but hen-scratch. I - a professional plastic surgeon on people's rectal regions, moonlighting as the Don in a mafia, and you - someone with aspirations of world domination with nuclear warfare in your basement - a realtionship like that will never work out. I'm sorry. And I think I'm falling in LOVE with you. Corretion: I already AM in love with you.