once again it feels like im falling into black and all i can hear is their screaming and yelling. the only one i have left is doing things that kill me ..my parents are f***ing psycho my friends dont have any they all decided i am a bad influence why .... cause im not like everyone else i dont follow the crowd i dont want to be the same i wanna be different i want to be myself but its very apparent i cant be that cause if i am my father tells me to be someone different my friends leave my boyfriend is the only one who stays beside me and music but it really has no choice.

sometime i dont see the point of doing this but then i come up with a great one ... i hate talking to anyone about something that matters to me cause no one cares so i might as well just right out what im thinking and feeling andif no one reads it great if someone does its thre waste of time im just doing to get things of my mind. I guess the only things that have really been here for me is my music ( 3DG) and my boyfriend and even then he just doesnt seem himself lately ..

Was at the concert last night f***ING AMAZING by far the best concert ive ever been to first time ive ever seen seether very impressed second time ive seen 3dg they've gotten better .... hearing Adams voice singing Never Too Late almost made me cry seeing as Never Too Late is the song that means most to me singing along to it made me feel so alive.

Im running as fast as i can im running out of room i coming to an end will i have time to stop? stop the anger? stop the yelling? stop the hurt? will i fall? will i hit the ground? will he catch me?
This is it. i cant hold back. my speed is increasing.
Here i am im falling fast
Tears escape the barrier of my dark cold eyes
Will he catch me? Emberace me in his arms?
Will i fall hard?
Is this the ending of the anger the hurt?
Or will he save me?
Will he be the hero i was looking for.
Im almost there
Here comes the ground....

I wake up
Darkness fades
His arms around me.

Finally im home!!! i usually hate home but anywhere is better than where i was ... i had three days grace lyrics spray painted on my wall in my room that my father and mother cant stand .. "i cant escape this hell" and "wake me up im living a nightmare" .. so i come home to find my entire room has been painted white!!! what the f*** is that they didnt even tell me they were doing that so i put my 3DG cd in crank it as loud as it can go and make it so all my parents can hear is THIS HOUSE IS NOT A HOME!

After spending a long time ( not really but seems like forever) in the states at my grandparents(whom i dont get along with in the least bit) house i am finally coming home. although it kind of sucks because im getting home at 12-1am but atleast ill be home. the last few days have kind of sucked ive been more bored than ever and i really miss my friends and especially Nathan.

I really have nothing good to write and i doubt anyone reads this but its time consuming and its better than what im doing right now..( somewhat cause im listening to 3DG and thats of course amazing but the rest not so much) so i was forced to go to the states for christmas break to spend time with my family but i really dislike it they dont like me for who i am they wish i was someone different its very obvious considering they basically told it to me front up saying i need to change because i look half dead most of the time well heres a little message for you Grandma I DONT CARE ..who says i

6 months ago i told my boyfriend it would be a dream come true for 3DG and Seether to come to winnipeg together and amazingly enough they are and my amazing boyfriend bought me tickets to go ! i have seen 3DG once before when they came last november it was pretty much the most amazing experience of my life i just let myself go and let the music that saved me take over my body.. for once i felt alive, and now i get to feel that amazing feeling again on Jan 27